Centrebus are on a mission
Cosmonauts should know:
They'll boldly take you anywhere
You just don't want to go.
No ticket to Utopia,
No giddy cosmic freedom:
Instead you'll trudge to Bradford
Via Huby, Pool and Yeadon.
Saturday 10 August 2013
Friday 9 August 2013
737
Inspired by the f*ckwitted 737 drivers from Centrebus who try and break my bones every morning on the pot-hole-pitted yokel superhighway to Shipley. God damn you all....
NB: The Boeing 737 is a short- to medium-range twin-engine narrow-body jet airliner.
The 737 Harrogate - Bradford bus service is a suspensionless, skeleton-shredding death-trap.
You've failed your mission,
I regret:
Not ALL my bones
are broken yet..
Your mind dictated by your map,
You're like a greyhound from a trap -
My nervous system's
Shot to hell,
As you wring those gears
Like Christmas bells,
Hurtling through
The summer twilight
Like a Kamikazi Pilot.
The steering wheel
You wrench and twist
To hit each pothole
On your list -
As I vainly try to reach the door,
My handbag shoots across the floor
As you slam down hard upon the brake
As though you're trying to kill a snake
Just as the lights are turning red -
My teeth are rattling in my head.
As I try to realign my jaw
We're clocking 90 miles or more,
And as the lights are turning green,
You hit up more amphetamine -
And cackle wildly, mad with glee
As we reach escape velocity.
To hell and back
is where we're going.
It's a god-damned BUS
It's NOT a Boeing...
:
NB: The Boeing 737 is a short- to medium-range twin-engine narrow-body jet airliner.
The 737 Harrogate - Bradford bus service is a suspensionless, skeleton-shredding death-trap.
You've failed your mission,
I regret:
Not ALL my bones
are broken yet..
Your mind dictated by your map,
You're like a greyhound from a trap -
My nervous system's
Shot to hell,
As you wring those gears
Like Christmas bells,
Hurtling through
The summer twilight
Like a Kamikazi Pilot.
The steering wheel
You wrench and twist
To hit each pothole
On your list -
As I vainly try to reach the door,
My handbag shoots across the floor
As you slam down hard upon the brake
As though you're trying to kill a snake
Just as the lights are turning red -
My teeth are rattling in my head.
As I try to realign my jaw
We're clocking 90 miles or more,
And as the lights are turning green,
You hit up more amphetamine -
And cackle wildly, mad with glee
As we reach escape velocity.
To hell and back
is where we're going.
It's a god-damned BUS
It's NOT a Boeing...
:
Thursday 8 August 2013
The Elephant
There's an elephant in the corner of the room
If you squint you'll make his trunk out in the gloom
He's made of all the things we always really meant to say
And until we get around to it, he'll never go away
You know I really like you and I think you like me too
So if you're in agreement here is something we can do
Let's forget about the sad times and the hurtful things we said
And welcome in the happy stuff that make us smile instead
Then we'll go and get the elephant and stand him on a ball
And we'll buy him some bananas as we roll him down the hall.
If you squint you'll make his trunk out in the gloom
He's made of all the things we always really meant to say
And until we get around to it, he'll never go away
You know I really like you and I think you like me too
So if you're in agreement here is something we can do
Let's forget about the sad times and the hurtful things we said
And welcome in the happy stuff that make us smile instead
Then we'll go and get the elephant and stand him on a ball
And we'll buy him some bananas as we roll him down the hall.
Tuesday 6 August 2013
Foxes on a Trampoline
The funniest thing I’ve ever seen
Is foxes on a trampoline..
Baffled, they out-bounce each other
Snapping sister, brindled brother...
Wary firstly, then with grace
See them launching into space
Barking, biting, twisting round
Several inches off the ground..
How fine to jump! What joy to be
No longer slaves to gravity...
Fox acrobatics to the letter:
Grass is good- but rubber’s better.
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